Date: 29 July 2018

This week in the life of Gabrielle has been quite eventful. For the most part I’ve spent this entire weekend thinking about rendering and what exactly goes into that. Essentially I’ve boiled it down to understanding form and how light and shadow interact with surfaces. Through ArtStation’s Instagram page I stumbled on this really awesome tutorial by an artist called Anthony Jones which focuses on “painting like a sculptor”. I have been attempting to paint “photo-realistically” for a long time now, I’ve worked with multiple 3D programs and have even worked full time as a CG lighter for a hot minute. Besides doing countless master studies working with 3D Software like Maya and ZBrush gives you a new way of thinking and visualising form, one that is key for creating photoreal art. It is safe to say that I have fallen in love with lighting, the tutorial that I found unlocked something for me, all because of something that Anthony Jones said. He said “stay consistent with the direction of your shadows”. I tend to get caught up in all the craziness of a painting at times with the Ambient Occlusion, Ambient Light, Directional Light and all other insane factors that contribute to lighting in a piece looking “realistic”. His advice reminded me to go back and calm the fuck down, to take it one element at a time and the results have been amazing. The latest MWG that I did and the Warrior Princess painting where examples of that. I think I’ve levelled up and I like it! From now on Anthony Jones tutorials will definitely make their way into my Dropbox and I may even apply for one of his mentorship programs at some point. 

In other news I’ve started with laser hair removal again. This is a big deal to me mainly because the last time I went for a session it hurt so bad that I balled out crying like a baby. In front of the doctor, his assistants and everyone at the clinic. I don’t know if it was a harsh jolt of Estrogen mixed in with the incredible pain of the laser piercing my flesh but that shit killed me! (Metaphorically speaking). I have been doing laser hair removal on my face and other parts of my body for about 3 years now and something like that had never happened before. I had a bit of PTSD going into the session this past week (I have to admit) but in the end I was able to grin and bear it like a champ. Just some of the things Girls Like Us have to deal with on a regular. 

I don’t think I’ve mentioned on here that I regularly see a psychologist, I’ve been going to see her for about the same time that I’ve been getting hair lasered off of my body. She’s my “Oracle” like in The Matrix; she’s very wise and often gives me the best advice. I have to attribute a huge part of the person that I am today to her. This past week we spoke about something that has haunted me for years; my depression. It is something that I’ve struggled with since I was 8 years old and to this day has never left my side, it is soul crushing and punishing at times but if I hadn’t fought it off for as long as I have I would probably be dead. This “being” has been so evident in my life that I decided to give it a name... Jugganaut. Yes like the red helmet-wearing X-Men villain. My psychologist calls it the Red Jugganaut. It is immense - it is colosal and it makes me want to cry, it tells me that I should go with it and end the suffering... that I should take my own life. So far he has not succeeded but he is with me 4Life unfortunately. My psychologist made it clear to me that the Jugganaut was indeed real and a creation of my own imagination at the same time. For he was a thought pattern subconscious created by my brain when life altering things happened to me. She let me know that it was treatable and that with her help I could beat it. I’ll keep you posted on the developments of this story.

Please feel free to interact with me by sending me a DM on my Instagram. I love chatting about whatever; art, transition, life, monsters, cartoons, wrestling. . . Until next time kiddos! 

Date: 22 July 2018

This past week I had it in my mind that I wanted to tell the story of Kito. A Megatherian character that I stumbled on by accident. I began repurposing an old unfinished painting and a gold spewing android came out the other end. I decided to tell the story in a comic book format. The main Megatherian storyline focuses on Kanak “Of the Golden Eyes” and I wanted to keep the story of Kito separate from that; it will act like a type of prequel to a much greater story. I spent most of the week thinking about the Kito story, writing and pulling events from my mind to use on this. I think the final outcome will be really cool. The downside is that I’m not sure how frequent I’ll be able to post pages from the comic since I currently have a lot going on in my life. At one point the goal will be to just focus on RenzFilmProject.Com and work for myself but the time for that has not yet arrived. I still have many dues to pay. 

In other news I found a plastic surgeon that can help me out with the big procedures that I have planned. Thing is I’m not sure what he’s comfortable doing; I really want my boobs done but I think he might put a stopper on that idea and suggest I do some fat transplant stuff first. The same thing with the medical aesthetic doctor that’s working on my cheek fillers; he might put a stopper on putting more collagen into my face. The thing they don’t show you on the plastic surgery shows is that not all aesthetic doctors are comfortable giving their patients an “over the top” look. The thing is that I don’t want that, I just want to look more feminine; at times I have to remind myself to be patient, to let the estrogen work it’s magic and decide on what I want done a couple years down the line. As you can imagine that’s harder said than done because when you want something really bad you become impatient and that leads to mistakes. I guess I just have to listen to my own advice and take it easy. So my girlfriend is flying down from Chile on the 2nd of August and I cannot wait, we’re so compatible it’s not even funny. Also she makes me feel like a woman. To me that means everything. She’s a very dominant lesbian and it’s definitely a first for me, I’ve never dated anyone like her before. When she tells me that I’m sexy or the things she wants to do to me it gives me butterflies in the pit of my stomach. It’s an awesome feeling and I can’t get enough of it. When she arrives over here we’re gonna spend two weeks together where I plan to make a short video just talking about how we met and the crazy circumstances that led to us finally being together. Stay tuned for that!

Date: 15 July 2018

This week in the life of Gabrielle has been quite eventful. I've been tinkering with the IGTV feature on my Instagram and it has given me a brand new platform to post videos that are longer than 60 second. I have so much cool content that I've created for Megatheria that will definitely go up there in future, as well as timelapse videos of my work and maybe even some videos of me. What I do know is that I want the content that goes up on my IGTV to have a very post-produced and polished feel to it so I will be taking my time posting content on there, but it will be worth the wait! I've decided to focus more heavily on Megatheria for the next month, it has always been a concept that I hold very near and dear to my heart. I started Megatheria back in College when I attended The Vancouver Film School, Canada, it was always supposed to be a metaphor for my own life. I'd like to give a more thorough explanation as to what each character represents for me and really dive deep into revealing what Megatheria is really all about. I've also revived my Deviant Art account this week, there is this massive stigma put on that platform that "real artists" don't use DA, they use ArtStation. The thing about that is that ArtStation is more geared towards people in the Digital Art industry and not really to fans of art, honestly speaking I could give two shits about industry people; I do my art for whoever likes cool shit and is looking for something that they can relate to so I'm glad to be back on there and will continue to interact with that community in future. In other news I've recently acquired  an insane amount of money and will be getting some more work done in the coming months. I am super excited about that! I'm currently shopping around for a good plastic surgeon to do my boobs and I'm flirting with the idea of getting more cheek fillers done within the coming month.

Exciting stuff you guys!